1- Grieving is not about who left who or what is the effect on the one who is been dumped.
2- Grieving process do not apply on me as some of its stages are irrelevant ; denial, bargaining, and acceptance. A rule I live by; you can't give orders to love. Hence, whatever I decide or my other significant decides is accepted as it is, without denial or bargaining,
3- We live in a continuous circle of love/loss. I am not sure if I will envy you, if you have just loved/lost once in your life. We become who we are of what we experience in our limited time.
So back to my major issue of this year Grieving.
I always thought I don't digest well specially when it comes to pain... I thought it takes me long time to acknowledge my loss that's why I have no immediate reaction. After a couple of major losses in my life I finally realized my personal grieving process. I follow Newton's law of motion. Don't prejudge me wait. I am still not hallucinating. One of Newton's law of motion is “For every action there is a reaction equal in magnitude and opposite direction”. When someone like me savor every moment in life & lives it to the fullest, it is normal to grieve each savored moment.
That is the philosophical background. It reflects how deep I am!
To make it simple what I mean by “grieving Newton's way” in layman words:
For every first time after my loss …I pack my gym bag I will remember every bag we packed & the discussion we had over what we missed and I will cry;
For every first time after my loss …I see a blue city I will wish that my X is with me and I will cry;
For every first time after my loss …I forget to bring my towel in the shower I will call my X and remember there is no one to bring it and I will cry;
For every first time after my loss …I eat a tuna in whatever variety it is cooked I will think how my X will drip on it and I will cry;
For every first time after my loss …I hear thunder I will experience the fear of my X and I will cry;
For every first time after my loss …I pump my head in cupboard because I forgot to close it, I will hear my X saying “You would never learn to close them” and I will cry;
For every first time after my loss …I go shopping my eye will catch what my X loves and I will cry;
For every first time after my loss …I remember our future plans, dreams I wonder which one I still want and I will cry;
My X birthday comes, I'd remember how every previous birthday was celebrated, wish secretly my X happiness and I will cry;
For my first New Year after my loss... I will remember our embrace, kiss and wish I won't cry any more.
May we all as long we are breathing be able to give & receive love no matter who and what we lost.
