Love Relationship Themes

If we pause and contemplate on each relations we had as adults, we will figure out that each one has a central issue about it. Each theme holds a different suffering to go through. I am sure there are more themes but at least what I am aware of are:

Begging Theme
I love you, I will do anything for you
I love you, please stay
I love you, I will never love again like I love you
I love you, I will take good care of you
I love you, please don't go

Hurt Theme
I love you but please stop doing XXX it hurts me
I love you but please I am not feeling well of doing XXX
I love you could we please not do this any more
I love you but I can't take it any more
I love you but please give me space

Shame Theme
I love you but I can't stay with you
I love you but my belief & values don't allow me to be with you
I love you but what we are doing is wrong
I love you but my family, friends, neighbors will start to talk
I love you but I feel ashamed of us
I love you but my guilt is larger than my love

I Don't Care Theme
I love you but I am not interested in whatever you are interested in
I love you but can I watch TV now
I love you but I can't join you at your parents dinner
I love you but I have work to do
I love you but sorry I did not get you anything for your birthday

Sexless Theme
I love you but don't kiss me
I love you but I don't feel like making love tonight
I love you but could you just hug me
I love you but I don't know why I can not touch you

Some could be totally unlucky to experience two themes in the same relations; then their agony & hurt is doubled. But most cases will be a mix of one of the above themes & Love theme.
Any how, each theme teach us a lesson and gives us more insight of what we want in life.


p.s.
I left the Love theme till then then because it is my day dream one :-)

Love Theme
I love you.... I love you too
I care about you..... I care more
I want you.... I can't take my hands off you
I want to go out with my friends... I want to visit my parents
I am coming home early... my my what a romantic dinner
I want to join you @ your parents dinner... I want to be with you when you pick your sister
I want to leave my Job... I will help you finding a better one
I miss you... I will pick you up
I will pick the laundry... I will cook
I will massage your back.... could you please do my head too
Where will we travel this year?....em em China
Dance with me? .... I melt in your arms
You make me laugh.. you bring me joy
What do you think is a proper reaction... I guess you'll have to apologize
What is your new fantasy? .... To be a :-) to do :-)

I guess my definition of  Love is a tango of friendship filled with passion & lived with romantic moments.

I go back to my day dream.

What are you, a raw egg, a jelly or an onion?

After writing my last post "An Onion Model for Relationships Management", I found this article http://www.positivepath.net/ideasCJ9.asp that classifies people into three categories:

A raw egg type: people who have a hard outer exterior, but once their shell is cracked or broken they start to fall apart.

A jelly type: people who are soft, with no emotional barriers and easily manipulated .

An onion type: people who have emotional layers and permit others in, when they are worthy to be trusted with their inner emotions.

So under which type do you fall in? and which type of people you are more comfortable with?

An Onion Model for Relationships Management

Past months led me to think deeply on how I view relationships and what do they mean to me. Since a big portion of my brain is built into analysis & modeling I came up with this analogy; relationships are wrapped into layers similar to onion layers. My onion is made up of five layers: the central layer is my relationship with myself, then in sequence, comes precious people layer, friends layer, duty layer and acquaintances layer.

My relation with myself is the core for all my other relationships. Getting to know myself, accepting, and loving her is my ultimate quest in life. It is not narcissism nor selfishness. My argument for this point is:

• If I don't know myself well, how would I let others know me...
• If I don't accept myself as it is with all my shortcoming & defaults, who would accept me ...
• If I don't love myself who would love me...
• If I don't cherish myself, who would cherish me...

My second layer is designated for my precious ones; the ones who I love unconditionally, accept them as they are. For them I do anything to maintain their well being and growth in life. I am there for them without them asking. This layer is for loved ones & a partner.

Then comes the friends layer, friends who I trust, love and care about. Friends who are an added value to my life.

The forth layer comes for duty relations; people who I am obliged to care for out of duty but not love. Some family members or old friends could fall into this category.

Last layer is for acquaintances; people who I share an interest or a hobby with, colleagues at work, etc...People who are nice to know.

Having this perspective has helped me to prioritize my resources accordingly; specially time, love & attention.

One more thing, since the only constant in life is change, therefore, people in these layers are not static. They are not placed in any given layer for a lifetime; their status is upgradable or downgrade-able. Usually downgrading is accompanied with grief process. Upgrading requires time, trust & effort and it is something I am very precocious about simply because I don't let go easily. Who would take loosing & grieving easily!

May we have fruitful relations in our life & may the bad ones make from us better people (not bitter).

Cheers

A Part Of You, A Part Of Me

Relationships do touch us deeply; adding to our personality, introducing new habits, teaching us what matters most, etc... We would never be the same afterwords, this poem "A Part Of You, A Part Of Me" say it all.



Every moment that we are together,
I am learning something,
and that knowledge becomes a permanent part of me.

Though my feelings will be different a year from now,
or ten years from now, part of the difference is you.

Because of you, I am a different person,
and the person I will grow to become
will have gotten there partly because of you.

If you were not in my life right now,
I could not be who I am right now,
nor would I be growing in exactly the same way.

I don't worry about our future together,
sine we have already touched each other
and affected each other's lives on so many levels
that we can never be totally removed from one another.

A part of me will always be with you,
and a part of you will always be with me.
That much is certain, no matter what else happens.


p.s. I am not sure if Larry S. Chengges has written this poem!

Grieving Process Based on Newton's Law of Motion

Before I start my mumbling about grieving I want to share a couple of thoughts to establish a common background;

1- Grieving is not about who left who or what is the effect on the one who is been dumped.

2- Grieving process do not apply on me as some of its stages are irrelevant ; denial, bargaining, and acceptance. A rule I live by; you can't give orders to love. Hence, whatever I decide or my other significant decides is accepted as it is, without denial or bargaining,

3- We live in a continuous circle of love/loss. I am not sure if I will envy you, if you have just loved/lost once in your life. We become who we are of what we experience in our limited time.

So back to my major issue of this year Grieving.

I always thought I don't digest well specially when it comes to pain... I thought it takes me long time to acknowledge my loss that's why I have no immediate reaction. After a couple of major losses in my life I finally realized my personal grieving process. I follow Newton's law of motion. Don't prejudge me wait. I am still not hallucinating. One of Newton's law of motion is “For every action there is a reaction equal in magnitude and opposite direction”. When someone like me savor every moment in life & lives it to the fullest, it is normal to grieve each savored moment.

That is the philosophical background. It reflects how deep I am!

To make it simple what I mean by “grieving Newton's way” in layman words:

For every first time after my loss …I pack my gym bag I will remember every bag we packed & the discussion we had over what we missed and I will cry;

For every first time after my loss …I see a blue city I will wish that my X is with me and I will cry;

For every first time after my loss …I forget to bring my towel in the shower I will call my X and remember there is no one to bring it and I will cry;

For every first time after my loss …I eat a tuna in whatever variety it is cooked I will think how my X will drip on it and I will cry;

For every first time after my loss …I hear thunder I will experience the fear of my X and I will cry;

For every first time after my loss …I pump my head in cupboard because I forgot to close it, I will hear my X saying “You would never learn to close them” and I will cry;

For every first time after my loss …I go shopping my eye will catch what my X loves and I will cry;

For every first time after my loss …I remember our future plans, dreams I wonder which one I still want and I will cry;

My X birthday comes, I'd remember how every previous birthday was celebrated, wish secretly my X happiness and I will cry;

For my first New Year after my loss... I will remember our embrace, kiss and wish I won't cry any more.

May we all as long we are breathing be able to give & receive love no matter who and what we lost.