Mending My Relationship with Amman

I left 6.5 years ago with wounds & pain and a decision to heal, become a better person and most importantly to start over a fresh life. I knew long time ago that my healing was not complete... I am not in peace with Amman; with the place I grow up in. Simply because Amman for me has been nothing but its kind people. I ended up associating Amman with lost relations and friends, unfulfilled dreams, and painful memories.

For the first months I have stayed here this year, my resentment for the place and rejection to stay was increasing. The tiniest idea of settling back here made my heart heavy and my body gave out all the signs of refusing. I felt it badly.
Almost two month ago I was lucky to meet new people who are unconsciously helping me to re- associate my memories of Amman in a new and joyful way. I started to reestablish a new relationship with things I used to adore and lost along the way, though they are simple but they are … em em … warm, part of me, shaped my character and I missed them a lot.

They are as simple as eating what is available in the season bateekh o jibneh (water melon and white cheese), 7amleh (grilled green chickpeas), Turmus & much more food :-). Interacting and hanging out with people who speak my language, use our funny expressions and terms (min elakher, 6yneh), laugh loud, listen to Fairouz in the mornings and Um Kalthoum at night. gossip, generous, fight and care about each other. How much we (Arabs) differ from other cultures when it comes to interacting with people!

All these simple things are formulating a fresh perspective of place I once called home. For this I am grateful.

Nirvanah

Yes, there is a Nirvanah; it is in leading your sheep to a green pasture, and in putting your child to sleep, and in writing the last line of your poem.

Kahlil Gibran