Enjoy the Silence

Please read:

Writteninformationwithnoorganisedbreaksmakescomprehensiondifficult

Wellplannedtextwithgoodsentenceandparagraphconstructionwillaidthe readersabilitytounderstandtheinformationtherein.

Was it easy to read? to digest? to comprehend?

This is exactly how we do feel when we don't take any mental break in day(s)/ weeks/ months/ years. We lose connections with our inner self, we don't have enough time to digest & reflect on what is going on with our life, or in which areas we are changing, what are our values, the worse it to reach a point where we ask ourselves who we are?!

Now, here is the same sentence with organised breaks …
Written information, with no organised breaks, makes comprehension difficult. Well-planned text, with good sentence and paragraph construction, will aid the reader's ability to understand the information therein.

I bet it is much easier to read and digest without stress.

These breaks between words are silence... Silence is ssssssssssssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhh; no chats, no TV, no radio... It could be by laying down before bed or staying in bed early upone wake up, or while watching sunset. Silence has no settings or position.
In silence there is an opportunity to observe thoughts and examine what pops up whether they are ideas, concerns, worries, people, emotions, etc.. Silence is a meter for examining life. Sometimes, after the silence agitation could be experienced, meditation & breathing could be used to return the inner self to peace & serenity status.





May we enjoy the silence.

Adapted from http://www.positivepath.net/ideasCJ7.asp

What are you, a raw egg, a jelly or an onion?

After writing my last post "An Onion Model for Relationships Management", I found this article http://www.positivepath.net/ideasCJ9.asp that classifies people into three categories:

A raw egg type: people who have a hard outer exterior, but once their shell is cracked or broken they start to fall apart.

A jelly type: people who are soft, with no emotional barriers and easily manipulated .

An onion type: people who have emotional layers and permit others in, when they are worthy to be trusted with their inner emotions.

So under which type do you fall in? and which type of people you are more comfortable with?

An Onion Model for Relationships Management

Past months led me to think deeply on how I view relationships and what do they mean to me. Since a big portion of my brain is built into analysis & modeling I came up with this analogy; relationships are wrapped into layers similar to onion layers. My onion is made up of five layers: the central layer is my relationship with myself, then in sequence, comes precious people layer, friends layer, duty layer and acquaintances layer.

My relation with myself is the core for all my other relationships. Getting to know myself, accepting, and loving her is my ultimate quest in life. It is not narcissism nor selfishness. My argument for this point is:

• If I don't know myself well, how would I let others know me...
• If I don't accept myself as it is with all my shortcoming & defaults, who would accept me ...
• If I don't love myself who would love me...
• If I don't cherish myself, who would cherish me...

My second layer is designated for my precious ones; the ones who I love unconditionally, accept them as they are. For them I do anything to maintain their well being and growth in life. I am there for them without them asking. This layer is for loved ones & a partner.

Then comes the friends layer, friends who I trust, love and care about. Friends who are an added value to my life.

The forth layer comes for duty relations; people who I am obliged to care for out of duty but not love. Some family members or old friends could fall into this category.

Last layer is for acquaintances; people who I share an interest or a hobby with, colleagues at work, etc...People who are nice to know.

Having this perspective has helped me to prioritize my resources accordingly; specially time, love & attention.

One more thing, since the only constant in life is change, therefore, people in these layers are not static. They are not placed in any given layer for a lifetime; their status is upgradable or downgrade-able. Usually downgrading is accompanied with grief process. Upgrading requires time, trust & effort and it is something I am very precocious about simply because I don't let go easily. Who would take loosing & grieving easily!

May we have fruitful relations in our life & may the bad ones make from us better people (not bitter).

Cheers

Loss of Hearing My Inner Voice

It has been a very very long time since I had a day to myself. On Friday, I went down to Wadi Mujib for an overnight. Here is how I spent my perfect 24 hours!

While driving I was listening & singing some of my favorite oldies & enjoying the scenery along the road. Immediately after checking in around 4 pm I laid down on the hammock facing dead sea. I started eating Man'aoush half zaa'tar & half cheese :-) yummy yummy. How humanity could survive without zaa'tar :-)

I rocked myself (on the hammock) from one side to another till 9 pm. I was not reading, nor listening to music... I was just observing silence, sea, mountains, sunset, darkness, stars....filling my soul with peace.

I went inside my room assuming that I am gonna sleep on the spot, instead I read till 10:30. Next morning, the minute I opened my eyes & for 2 hours tugged under a blanket, laying on the hammock I felt & enjoyed the early sun light & cool breath. After breakfast, I took some pictures of the area & went down to the sea level with my book. I kept on tossing under the sun like a Shwerma on a grill & reading till 4:30 pm. I finished the novel :-) then I went back to my room packed & laid again on my hummock singing my gratitude prayer.

I uprooted myself to leave... left craving for more. Despite this unfulfilled feeling & the short period, I managed to see a tremendous change of how I was feeling before & after. A soul make over!

I can't believe of all what I know about myself, I managed to clutter my inner self with daze, chaos and noise. To extent I have hard time hearing my inner voice. I lost my serenity & connection with myself. I lost my best friend. What terrified me most, is that when I considered going alone a feeling of of aloneness & loneliness overwhelmed me. Which I never had before...I do maintain & restore my balance when I am alone.

For months I had this nagging need of spending time in nature by myself or with just one friend. My daily working out is not enough any more to maintain my serenity. Exercising in a gym is not a meditating routine… not like walking outdoors. Staying in my house for a couple of hours now & then is not enough... I could not any longer digest & reflect on all these events, emotions, & people around me.

I transformed my life from a life revolving around a few precious people to a life full of people & social events. I no longer could manage a balance between time for myself & time for others.

I know my reasons for postponing spending time alone but it is not an excuses to permit myself to reach such a stage. These noises & chaotic emotions that fills my soul have to end. I want my best friend & true self back.

It is just one corrective action that I need to take: Plenty of out door activities alone

My recipe for a perfect day consists of:

• Being in nature, near water is an added value
• Enjoying silence
• Hearing my inner voice
• Reading a good book
• Eating yummy food
• Listing my blessings

May our souls be blessed with serenity, peace & connection with our true selves.
more photos

Run Lola Run

"Man... probably the most mysterious species on our planet. A mystery of unanswered questions. Who are we? Where do we come from? Where are we going? How do we know what we think we know? Why do we believe anything at all? Countless questions in search of an answer... an answer that will give rise to a new question... and the next answer will give rise to the next question and so on. But, in the end, isn't it always the same question? And always the same answer?"

Our life can be altered by 20 seconds, by people we meet, by sequence of events....This is what the movie is all about.

14 Kilometers

14 kilometers is the distance that separates Africa from Europe , but these 14 kilometers is the last barrier that prevents millions of Africans from fulfilling their dreams & entitle them for a life without hunger and misery.

14 kilometers leaves you wondering how many of these immigrants disappear in the desert forever, sink in the sea, & how many when they reach Europe are distant for more suffering.

Cargo lorry overloaded with immigrants.

What & Where Is Home?

There are certain subjects/issues people want to understand and it captures their attention to extent it becomes a quest in their life. Some are puzzled to know what is: love; death; after life, God. Me, I have been always puzzled about home...
I have been asking many people to tell me what do they consider a home. I heard a lot of descriptions. I guess as most things in life, home is a relative concept and feeling.

Is it a place we belong to! is it just a place where we have our stuff in! is it a place that is arranged in a comfortable way! is it a person! is it where we grow up! is it where we have precious memories! is it where we want to go back to when we are sick/tired/down!

I don't Know...

What puzzles me is not just the definition of a home but why no place feels like home! That's why I look for home definition because I believe if you don't know what you are looking for how you will recognize it.


But, do we need to feel there is a place we call home? If we don't have a place called home would we go in life loose? Floating around without a sense of belonging. Why do we need to belong? Is home a place we start from & go back to!

Mending My Relationship with Amman

I left 6.5 years ago with wounds & pain and a decision to heal, become a better person and most importantly to start over a fresh life. I knew long time ago that my healing was not complete... I am not in peace with Amman; with the place I grow up in. Simply because Amman for me has been nothing but its kind people. I ended up associating Amman with lost relations and friends, unfulfilled dreams, and painful memories.

For the first months I have stayed here this year, my resentment for the place and rejection to stay was increasing. The tiniest idea of settling back here made my heart heavy and my body gave out all the signs of refusing. I felt it badly.
Almost two month ago I was lucky to meet new people who are unconsciously helping me to re- associate my memories of Amman in a new and joyful way. I started to reestablish a new relationship with things I used to adore and lost along the way, though they are simple but they are … em em … warm, part of me, shaped my character and I missed them a lot.

They are as simple as eating what is available in the season bateekh o jibneh (water melon and white cheese), 7amleh (grilled green chickpeas), Turmus & much more food :-). Interacting and hanging out with people who speak my language, use our funny expressions and terms (min elakher, 6yneh), laugh loud, listen to Fairouz in the mornings and Um Kalthoum at night. gossip, generous, fight and care about each other. How much we (Arabs) differ from other cultures when it comes to interacting with people!

All these simple things are formulating a fresh perspective of place I once called home. For this I am grateful.

On which bases can I identify myself?

I am in always quest to understand myself to know exactly who I am. Since I am in constant change I have been thinking that I need to come up by a kind of classification to fit myself in. I don't care about giving myself labels as much to know who I am really.

I started by combining my nationality, religion, skin colour, gender, ethnic group, to come up by who I am. This left lot of parts of me unidentified. So I can't be only this. Specially, these are among the things I didn't choose in life but they certainly shaped who I am.

Then I thought of my social roles, roles I perform on life stage; daughter, sister, student, friend, lover, manager, colleague, aunt; and more. Is the sum of these social roles define who I am?
To some extent in each role I behave, react, and act differently. More, these roles are not static; from one period to another I change roles; move out from some & take new ones. Does this mean I change my identity each time? As well, I don't place same priority for each role. Example, being an aunt is more important for me than being a manager.

Reflecting deeper, I realize I am not the same person 15,10, 7, 3 years ago. I assume I am growing ;-) My character has changed from experiences I went through, knowledge i acquired and skills I learned. But certain values have not changed, I am still serious, playful, kind, bla bla. Which characteristics can be changed & which arenintrinsic? Are my self core characteristics genetics, something I can't change but they could label me for as long as I live!

For me to recap my kharabeesh:

1. I am Chinese, Christian, Female, with black skin colour (inborn)
2. I am a daughter, sister, manger, friend (social roles)
3. I am kind, generous, stupid (core characteristics)

There is a something in me refuse to be the sum of these, as two classifications: inborn, & core characteristics I have no control of.

I guess I need to search to know more how self identify is classified.