Love Relationship Themes

If we pause and contemplate on each relations we had as adults, we will figure out that each one has a central issue about it. Each theme holds a different suffering to go through. I am sure there are more themes but at least what I am aware of are:

Begging Theme
I love you, I will do anything for you
I love you, please stay
I love you, I will never love again like I love you
I love you, I will take good care of you
I love you, please don't go

Hurt Theme
I love you but please stop doing XXX it hurts me
I love you but please I am not feeling well of doing XXX
I love you could we please not do this any more
I love you but I can't take it any more
I love you but please give me space

Shame Theme
I love you but I can't stay with you
I love you but my belief & values don't allow me to be with you
I love you but what we are doing is wrong
I love you but my family, friends, neighbors will start to talk
I love you but I feel ashamed of us
I love you but my guilt is larger than my love

I Don't Care Theme
I love you but I am not interested in whatever you are interested in
I love you but can I watch TV now
I love you but I can't join you at your parents dinner
I love you but I have work to do
I love you but sorry I did not get you anything for your birthday

Sexless Theme
I love you but don't kiss me
I love you but I don't feel like making love tonight
I love you but could you just hug me
I love you but I don't know why I can not touch you

Some could be totally unlucky to experience two themes in the same relations; then their agony & hurt is doubled. But most cases will be a mix of one of the above themes & Love theme.
Any how, each theme teach us a lesson and gives us more insight of what we want in life.


p.s.
I left the Love theme till then then because it is my day dream one :-)

Love Theme
I love you.... I love you too
I care about you..... I care more
I want you.... I can't take my hands off you
I want to go out with my friends... I want to visit my parents
I am coming home early... my my what a romantic dinner
I want to join you @ your parents dinner... I want to be with you when you pick your sister
I want to leave my Job... I will help you finding a better one
I miss you... I will pick you up
I will pick the laundry... I will cook
I will massage your back.... could you please do my head too
Where will we travel this year?....em em China
Dance with me? .... I melt in your arms
You make me laugh.. you bring me joy
What do you think is a proper reaction... I guess you'll have to apologize
What is your new fantasy? .... To be a :-) to do :-)

I guess my definition of  Love is a tango of friendship filled with passion & lived with romantic moments.

I go back to my day dream.

An Onion Model for Relationships Management

Past months led me to think deeply on how I view relationships and what do they mean to me. Since a big portion of my brain is built into analysis & modeling I came up with this analogy; relationships are wrapped into layers similar to onion layers. My onion is made up of five layers: the central layer is my relationship with myself, then in sequence, comes precious people layer, friends layer, duty layer and acquaintances layer.

My relation with myself is the core for all my other relationships. Getting to know myself, accepting, and loving her is my ultimate quest in life. It is not narcissism nor selfishness. My argument for this point is:

• If I don't know myself well, how would I let others know me...
• If I don't accept myself as it is with all my shortcoming & defaults, who would accept me ...
• If I don't love myself who would love me...
• If I don't cherish myself, who would cherish me...

My second layer is designated for my precious ones; the ones who I love unconditionally, accept them as they are. For them I do anything to maintain their well being and growth in life. I am there for them without them asking. This layer is for loved ones & a partner.

Then comes the friends layer, friends who I trust, love and care about. Friends who are an added value to my life.

The forth layer comes for duty relations; people who I am obliged to care for out of duty but not love. Some family members or old friends could fall into this category.

Last layer is for acquaintances; people who I share an interest or a hobby with, colleagues at work, etc...People who are nice to know.

Having this perspective has helped me to prioritize my resources accordingly; specially time, love & attention.

One more thing, since the only constant in life is change, therefore, people in these layers are not static. They are not placed in any given layer for a lifetime; their status is upgradable or downgrade-able. Usually downgrading is accompanied with grief process. Upgrading requires time, trust & effort and it is something I am very precocious about simply because I don't let go easily. Who would take loosing & grieving easily!

May we have fruitful relations in our life & may the bad ones make from us better people (not bitter).

Cheers

Loss of Hearing My Inner Voice

It has been a very very long time since I had a day to myself. On Friday, I went down to Wadi Mujib for an overnight. Here is how I spent my perfect 24 hours!

While driving I was listening & singing some of my favorite oldies & enjoying the scenery along the road. Immediately after checking in around 4 pm I laid down on the hammock facing dead sea. I started eating Man'aoush half zaa'tar & half cheese :-) yummy yummy. How humanity could survive without zaa'tar :-)

I rocked myself (on the hammock) from one side to another till 9 pm. I was not reading, nor listening to music... I was just observing silence, sea, mountains, sunset, darkness, stars....filling my soul with peace.

I went inside my room assuming that I am gonna sleep on the spot, instead I read till 10:30. Next morning, the minute I opened my eyes & for 2 hours tugged under a blanket, laying on the hammock I felt & enjoyed the early sun light & cool breath. After breakfast, I took some pictures of the area & went down to the sea level with my book. I kept on tossing under the sun like a Shwerma on a grill & reading till 4:30 pm. I finished the novel :-) then I went back to my room packed & laid again on my hummock singing my gratitude prayer.

I uprooted myself to leave... left craving for more. Despite this unfulfilled feeling & the short period, I managed to see a tremendous change of how I was feeling before & after. A soul make over!

I can't believe of all what I know about myself, I managed to clutter my inner self with daze, chaos and noise. To extent I have hard time hearing my inner voice. I lost my serenity & connection with myself. I lost my best friend. What terrified me most, is that when I considered going alone a feeling of of aloneness & loneliness overwhelmed me. Which I never had before...I do maintain & restore my balance when I am alone.

For months I had this nagging need of spending time in nature by myself or with just one friend. My daily working out is not enough any more to maintain my serenity. Exercising in a gym is not a meditating routine… not like walking outdoors. Staying in my house for a couple of hours now & then is not enough... I could not any longer digest & reflect on all these events, emotions, & people around me.

I transformed my life from a life revolving around a few precious people to a life full of people & social events. I no longer could manage a balance between time for myself & time for others.

I know my reasons for postponing spending time alone but it is not an excuses to permit myself to reach such a stage. These noises & chaotic emotions that fills my soul have to end. I want my best friend & true self back.

It is just one corrective action that I need to take: Plenty of out door activities alone

My recipe for a perfect day consists of:

• Being in nature, near water is an added value
• Enjoying silence
• Hearing my inner voice
• Reading a good book
• Eating yummy food
• Listing my blessings

May our souls be blessed with serenity, peace & connection with our true selves.
more photos

Baraka

I didn't read any review before picking the movie, so I spent the first minutes expecting to see an actor, a human voice, a narrative. Nothing came up; not in the first 10 minutes not in the last 96 minute. At the beginning, it was not easy for me to keep my concentration & focus.

It turned out that Baraka is a nonverbal film containing breathtaking images of 24 countries from 6 continents combined with an incredible sound tracks. I was restless to figure out where the shots were taken to the extent that I wanted to pause & google it on the spot. At the end of the DVD Fricke explains that it was intentional to leave the movie without narration or subtitle. "It's not where you are that's important, it's what's there."

At the end of the movie, I wanted to grab my bag and start traveling to India, China, Africa, Cambodia. There is a lot to learn about other cultures, religious, nature and the world over.

It doesn't say anything. But you will find a lot to say about it.

I will watch this movie again & again.

Children Of Heaven

We lose appreciation for a lot of things in life by taking them for granted. This is a simple movie about a lost shoes and how two Iranian siblings, Ali and Zahra make arrangements between themselves to share the remaining sneakers. The story glow of kindness and good-heart of poor people despite the financial difficulties of their day-to-day existence. The movie satisfies you emotionally by the goodness and calmness it disseminates.

Innocent Voices

"Innocent Voices" is a sharply detailed, moving film that tells a powerful human story and documents the horror of El Salvador's brutal, U.S.-funded civil war from 1980 – 1992.

The movie manages not to send explicit massages about USA role in El Salvador civil war or plays any political arguments; it simply depicts the struggle of those who suffered as it is happening. The movie is narrated through the eyes of a child Chava an eleven-year-old boy who takes on the role of the man of the house after his father abandons the family in the middle of the El Salvadorian civil war. I was really impressed of the performance of the lead actor incomparable with any other child actor I have seen before.

The movie is full of well captured emotions and moments of drama that stay in the memory and stir the feelings; moving smartly between brutality of war and the innocence of children in normal moment of life between friends and family. One of the scenes the left a footprint on me is when the boys were laying flat on the tin roofs of their homes hiding from the government military who wants to recruit them.

"Innocent Voices" is worth picking up.

My Recipe to Happiness

At a certain point of my life to be more specific in June 2003 I decided that life is not worth living. Life is ugly, hard, tough and not fair. So, I took the decision that either I find my way to happiness no matter what I go through or....

After 5 years of my decision, I can say I am happy this does not mean that life got much better! My secret recipe might be applicable to others.

First -Happiness is now, not when I get a better job, more money, or find a partner. No more postponing. My happiness is met with minimal conditions, in indifference if my “if conditions” are met or not.

Second- What happened has happened in the past. It shaped me, made me who I am. I am grateful for all what I went through. I tired hard to deal with my past, pain, & agony. I did my best to get over it & let it go. Sometimes past do pop up again but now I have better things to focus on :-)

Third – Over the years I cultivated good habits through daily practice. I no longer put effort to do them but I can't claim it was easy. My new routine allowed me to maintain a certain momentum of happiness even when things go wrong. What have worked for me are:

• Keeping my gratitude list active
• Nurturing my relationships; specially my 1^st circle of relations
• Doing some random acts of kindness to strangers & people I love
• Exercising; walking, swimming, playing squash, etc..
• Connecting to nature, spending as much time as I can out doors
• Contemplating on beauty; sunset, sea, mountains, kids clouds, smell of flowers, delicious food
• De-cluttering- I no longer keep things I don't use in a year. I no longer keep books from university days or documents from my work, or cloth that I don't wear. I enjoy giving stuff away.

Fourth- Happiness is my internal status not the result of life circumstances. I do get sad when my company lay me off, when my relationship with my partner is spiraling down, when.. when. But they don't knock me down or let me lose my insight on the other great things in my life. By having happiness as my ultimate goal I became healthier, stronger, more helpful, creative, and willing to try new things.

Tweeting what I said: Happiness is achivable coz it is state of mind that consist of positive emotions and & positive activities.

May we all be happy.